Chapter 4 – My Family – Breast Cancer Journey

I wanted to take some time and talk about my family , my loved ones who mean the world to me .  My children , Orlando, Vanessa, Danielle, Gabriel and then my son in laws Robert , Carlos , Hugo . My 9 grandchildren . My Brother David and Mary and their two children .  When I first discovered the lump or tumor  I had to call and face each of them . It was a very hard thing to do and keep a straight face about it . I didn’t want to worry them or put fear in them .  I have always been a very strong person all my life and I have always managed to  carry my own problems and deal with them .  But now this was different , I had to learn a whole way of dealing with this situation and that was learning to reach out more to my family and asking for their help when needed . Everyone showed their love and support even the grandchildren . They were hugging me more and drawing me pictures and I would call my two grandchildren they didn’t live locally Jr  & Marissa . I didn’t expect the grandchildren to understand what was going on , but I am sure their parents explain to them the simple way possible for them to understand . 

 I want to thank My Aunt Herlinda and Uncle Carlos for going to the hospital and being such a great support . Your presence by my side meant the world to me . They would go to City of Hope on my appointment dates and be there .  Especially when I was having chemo and when I was in ICU .I love you both so much . 

 My Dearest Aunt Gloria for all your sweet encouraging words to me and also going to the hospital to be with me and my children . Belinda my Bestest . I believe on earth you are heaven sent my guardian angel . Words can’t even say what is in my heart . You never fail to help me or be with me when I call you . You worlds of encouragement of faith love and hope touch my heart . My Aunt Amelia for all your phone calls .

 I will always think and remember Phil and I was blessed for you coming to the hospital and singing and playing the keyboard with music of worship . It was so awesome . I want to cry now to think back of all the wonderful people in my life that never gave up on me . That were there for me. I pray that God touches all of you and fulfills the desires of all your hearts and brings forth comfort and peace in your own lives .   I can’t forget  my friends on Facebook  & friends of Aol . You all touched my heart with beautiful comments for myself and my children during some hard times . The phone calls you made to me . I never even met most of you in person but we are connected because you all loved me enough to be there for me . Jodie for the cute hat .. Deb & Linda for all your words in your beautiful cards .  And keeping in touch with me . Stephanie  my friend on line and being there always for me . Terry aka Fly  for chatting with me and IMing me and letting me know you were concern and telling me how much I meant to you .  I have so many to thank .Kay , Laura, Daniel , Mary aka CherokeeJewelsxx.

  I can’t forget my neighbors that I have been blessed with Daddy Jesse, Jesse & Maria  & Carol …you three helped me so much and you all assured me that I wouldn’t be alone and I wasn’t . I thank you for always for answering my calls and coming over when I needed each of you . You all met my needs . Thank you .

.Please forgive me for not mentioning everyone else’s names . God knows who you are ….Thank You as well .

 God had a plan !  I was his plan without knowing that he was going to bring this Journey upon me and then turn it around for his Glory , All that I have gone through for the last eight months has taught me so much .  I wanted to serve God and be his child once again .  I heard one day while at church  that when you pray for faith . God will test your faith .   I believe that is so true .  Because praying constantly and trusting God and believing that every situation I faced and came out of and went throught another situation . The Lord was there always for me .  I felt like one of his people from the old testament that kept going forth and would walk and walk to get there .  I would rest my head and pray and continue again and again . Imagine that in your mind .  The Lord always walked with me .  I love this passage in Proverbs 9 : 10-11 ,  Instuct a wise man , and he will be wiser still ; teach a righteous man , and he will learn more .The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding . For wisdom your days will be many , and the years added to your life .  So even though I was scared , afraid , fearful , of what I didn’t know was to happen. According to the Bible it was alright and natural . And now this is my beginning and my new life of the inner and outer woman that I am now .  There is yet more areas in my being that I need to work on but that’s alright , I am not perfect and nor I could ever and never pretend to be .  I am who I am for my purpose in my life and for the glory of my Heavenly Father .

 I was being a changed woman inside because of this diagnois of having Breast Cancer .  Finding out in October of 2011 everything was Breast Cancer Awareness Month . Pink ! Pink ! think Pink ….More than anything the hardest thing for me to go through during this time was not having my mother . I have missed her so much over the months of her passing in July of 2011.  Even though sometimes we didn’t agree on certain things or got along but we had our own way that we got along  . I needed her now .  I wished she was here to comfort me .  I wish i could hear her words of what i should do and her encouragement of what I need to go through to get by . But then again maybe it’s best she is not here . Only because I wouldn’t want to see my mother’s eyes filled with pain for me because I had to be a victim as many other thousands of women battling cancer .  I remember my mother always used to tell me ,  “Never question God ” 

So I am accepting what has  happened to me . I knew God was in control completely of the whole situation . I am not angry about all this . l am not angry at God . I just want to fight this mentally I wouldn’t give up . No matter what I had to go through .  All this was new to me .I had no clue for the days ahead . I had to be strong for ME and I had wanted my children to be there for me .  I needed my children more than ever ,  they meant the world to me .  I would say I will fight this cancer with full force because I want to live . I am only 55 years old i have so much love for my family and good friends , I have been living right for several years now and serving God . I hoped and prayed Jesus see’s the change in me and see how i loved my kids and may he hear all my pleas.  

Now i needed to give all my fears to God and keep my spirits up . So many people gave me that advice .  I must have a good attitude . I also prayed and requested for others to pray for me .  Gabriel gave me a pink rubberband bracelet that says ” Hope, Faith , Love”  A woman who Gabriel knows gave him the bracelet and said ” Give this to your mother and tell her to wear it til she has over come her fight ” because this same lady wore it til she was a survivor . I plan on passing this same bracelet to another woman in the future . 

There were many days and nights , I would call and talk to my children and just cry .  I couldn’t even give a good reason why i had these tears . My tears spoke for themselves .  I know my tears were not in vain because when you cry Jesus collects each and everyone of them . In Psalms 56:8  You yourself have recorded my wanderings. Put my tears in your bottle .

I had faithful prayer warriors that would call me and pray for me .. Up lift  me and remind me I am not alone going through this . Sister Joan who I love dearly was one of the ladies that never stopped praying . If she could she would of stomped on the cancer and send it to the pit of hell where it belonged . There are so many others to name .  Robert & Vanessa always prayed for me and I love them so much .  When you become ill its amazing how you are shown so much love more love than you ever had imagine .  As a Family i was convince we were all in this together . I was blessed and I wasn’t alone …

Dedication & Remembrance of My beautiful Cousin Natasha G . Jackson –  Jan 2012

When I say the word Family the one person who symbolizes the meaning is my cousin Natasha. She was the root and the rock to all the cousins communicating to one another on Facebook.  She would find other Relatives and join them together with family members.

You are loved and missed and will never be forgotten.

Natasha G. Jackson – Went to heaven January 2012.

NEXT: CHAPTER 5 – HATS & BEANIES & SCARFS

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